


Heavy cross

by sundaeflower



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: During episode s06e22 Grave, Gen, Redemption, Season/Series 07, Souled Spike (BtVS)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 15:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18607387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sundaeflower/pseuds/sundaeflower
Summary: He is not used to poetic justice.





	Heavy cross

When the demon claw had touched his heart he remembered what it was like to be William.

The touch vibrated through his entire ribcage, convulsed through him like an earthquake, and for a moment he heard his heart beating one last time, whispering to him tales of the life he never had.

He had asked for his soul. He was not prepared for the pain that came with it. His demon was like a fever burning deep in his bones, trying to reduce him to ashes, but the soul with its root anchored deep in his heart offered him a new understanding of freedom.

Freedom of self. Freedom of darkness. Freedom of the world.

But with it came a heavy burden.

Living for such a long time among other vampires lets you easily forget that your once human heart – now resting silent inside your dead chest – was swallowed by the demon who stole your body and made you believe you were always him. That life was nothing but a distant memory, echoing in your aching bones.

He knows then what it must‘ve felt like for Drusilla, slowly losing her mind.

A demon invades the body on the verge of death, whereas the soul fills the empty void inside you never knew was there, stepping into you with soft footfalls like it was just returning home, accustomating itself to limitation to guide you.

It crawls in every crevice of his body, filling him up with true life, not like the one he lost, but the one he never got to live.

Thousand voices are screaming inside his head. It‘s a terrific melody of blood he had shed, lives he had taken to maintain his own. He doesn‘t know who to listen to first, or how to make them stop.

The only thing he knows is that he _has to_ listen. And it‘s difficult when all you see is the past, and you don‘t want to look back.

He wants so desperately to see the dark to remind him of what he is. But all he can see is a blinding light, filling up his entire vision.

Now he can see the stars, too, even if there‘s no sky above. Crashing down to bury him once more.

He is not used to poetic justice.

What a bloody irony.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get the image of Spike getting his soul out of my head. I find it to be one of the most beautiful scenes in the series. It gets me every time. So, I felt the urge to write something. Not sure how I feel about the result, but I hope you enjoy it.


End file.
